My cell phone rings a million times a day. Even though I can’t always answer it I have to know who it is and I feel compelled to answer it. That drives my husband nuts. If he is involved with something and his phone rings he just lets it ring. And that drives me nuts. I’ll ask him, “Don’t you think you should answer that? Don’t you think you should check and see who it is?” But he doesn’t. It drives me nuts on one hand but I envy him on the other hand. I have become somewhat of a slave to my cell phone. We’ll be sitting at the dinner table and my phone will ring and he’ll see me squirming in my chair because I just need to know who it is and he’ll just look at me and say, “Let it ring”
A few months ago I had a really bizarre dream. That is not abnormal for me. I have a lot of dreams. Crazy dreams. Sometimes it’s just because I ate Mexican food the night before but sometimes...occasionally I will wake up from a crazy dream and it will stay with me through the day. And sometimes for days after. When that happens I start to analyze it and wonder if there is some message in it for me. I believe that God speaks to us in all kinds of ways and for me on many occasions it’s through my dreams.
Ok so you have to stay with me here because it gets a little confusing. So a few months ago I was dreaming that I was sleeping in my bed. Have you got that? In my dream I was asleep in my bed. All of the sudden I was woken up by my cell phone ringing. Bleary eyed, I reached for my phone and flipped it open to see who was calling. What I saw next startled me. Where the name or number of the person calling me would normally be was the word Angry. Angry was calling me?! I was so puzzled in my dream and I said out loud, “Why is Angry calling me?” Then I woke up.
I told Danny and we laughed about it. But it wouldn’t go away. All day I had this nagging feeling. That afternoon Danny was taking me to the beach for an overnight stay to celebrate my birthday. We went on the motorcycle. I always feel so free on the back of his bike with the wind in our faces and the sun on our shoulders but this time I was disturbed. Why was angry calling me? That’s when I started to realize that this was more than just a silly dream.
I started to pray as we drove. I asked God to show me if I was angry. I didn’t think I was angry. If you asked me the day before if I was angry about anything I would have said no. But when I started to really peel back what had been going on inside of me for the past few months I had a revelation. I realized that some hurts that I had recently endured and some disappointments that had recently come my way and some circumstances that I had no control over that I wanted to make better but couldn’t, were beginning to eat at me and were making me – yep – ANGRY. Not throw things across the room angry (not that I’ve ever done that ;) ) or yell and stomp my feet angry. Just a simmering anger that things were not the way I wanted them to be. And since I believe that God is the one that can make all things better and they weren’t better I realized that if I was angry then I was angry at Him. Why had He allowed these things to happen. I did not see how any good could come from them. But I know better than that. That’s when I realized that I had some letting go to do. Walking down the beach that afternoon I let go. Let go of the disappointment, let go of the hurt...let go of the anger and gave way to trust. Trust that God had a plan in all of it.
I called a friend who is further along in the ministry journey than I am and she had some words of wisdom for me. She said, “Tracey I believe that God is showing you a tendency that you have. He is showing you that when people disappoint or hurt you or things don’t turn out the way you want them to, even after you think you are on the other side of it, the residual effect for you is that you tend to get angry. So here’s what you need to do. Now that you know, when you see on that caller id. that Angry is calling you, you need to let it go straight to voicemail. Let the message say, “I’m sorry Tracey is not available to take that call right now...or ever.”
Angry may not be calling you but maybe something else is. Maybe Insecurity calls you every morning. Maybe Fear or Doubt or Guilt calls you on a regular basis. We have to realize that we have a choice whether or not to take that call. So from now on just...”Let it ring!”
Philippians 4:8
For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
Amplified Bible (AMP)
